the broken bits of Jesse St James
by perfectpro
Summary: -So he wanders up and sings with her  and maybe that's where it all got shot to hell.-


There are people who are ruthless.

Adolf Hitler.

Joseph Stalin.

Fidel Castro.

(_Shelby Corcoran?_)

Jesse _Saint_ James is (not?) one of those people.

He:

is kind

is sweet

knows when he goes too far

can get anything he wants

will get anything he wants

has the perfect show face.

("I want it to look so talented that it _hurts_!"

It does.)

can trick people with the best of the conmen.

He can even weasel his way

into things

(but he has a bit of trouble weaseling out).

but he can(**not**) fall in love with anyone.

His life is set out already.

VocalAdrenalin.

UniversityofCalifornia,LosAngeles.

NewYorkCity,NewYork.

Broadway.

Fame&fortune.

There is no room for love. There is only room for:

performance&perfection (but not love).

He will have his One Song Glory before he dies.

He will have his perfect performance.

(but now he wonders if _Rachel Berry_ will become a part of it.)

He is perfect.

&that's all there is to it.

On second thought,

Jesse is _not_ perfect.

He needs to learn how to say:

"_**NO**_"

but "I want to meet my daughter" seems like such an innocent sentence.

How could _anyone_ get hurt with that sentence?

So he says "_yes ma'am_"

(like they both knew he would),

walks to the music store,

and sees her looking at a Lionel Richie selection

(Lionel Richie is one of his favorite musicians).

He didn't know she came here.

It couldn't be that is easy. [Or could it?]

So he wanders up and sings with her.

(and maybe _that's_ where it all got shot to hell.)

_Rachel Berry_ can sing better than Barbara.

(which, you know, sort of makes him want to swoon.

just a bit.)

and he knows that their "Hello" will last for a while.

(before they realize that it doesn't have a fire truck's chance of dousing hell,

of course.)

So he asks her out for a Friday and she says "yes."

When he leaves the store

(and Rachel can't s e e him)

he dances a moonwalk that would make the King of Pop proud

while humming "It's Gonna Be Me."

(couldn't the term "befriend" be taken as "fall in love with"?

because he's pretty sure that he'll be doing the latter).

He tells Shelby :

"It's already partway a c c o m p l i s h e d"

and she smiles and says, "_good job, St. James_" just like he knew she would,

and they go on ahead with rehearsals, making sure that he doesn't start "Bohemian Rhapsody" off a beat early like the _last_ lead did.

(whatever happened to Tyler, anyways?)

He picks Rachel up for their date

(does it make him sound gay if thinking about her

made his heart rate speed up by five beats a minutes?

oh well.

he doesn't even care,

because he's going on a date with _Rachel Berry_

&that's all the matters)

right on time.

She wears a pale pink camisole and a short black skirt

&they go to eat.

They make small talk and stay safely away from the topic of their respective show choirs.

(because, well, his director _practically_

set this all up from the very start

and if she tells him that her director had anything to do with this,

he just might shoot someone.)

He takes her home and they end up making out on her front porch for a while,

but then Shelby somehow jumps into his mind and his heart just isn't in it anymore.

So he kisses Rachel

(heart rates speed up, heads spin, thoughts are _(almost)_ lost)

one last time,

and tells her that he'll pick her up from school on Monday.

"Hey, Uncle Mark.

I need to come live with you."

"Oh?"

"It has to do with a girl."

"An important girl?"

"The _most_ important girl."

"_Oh._

One of _those_.

I guess that makes it alright then."

_Rachel Berry_ turns from 'assignment' to:

'a hurricane of **emotion**'

'a **dramatic** dreamer'

'a strong(**ish?**) person'

'**perfect**'

and maybe he's scared of that last one,

because he can trytrytry to be perfect,

but _Rachel Berry_ has it down to a science.

(and she's even better at it than he is,

which kind of terrifies him.

a lot.)

He's leaving Vocal Adrenaline practice

(because even if he is dating Rachel and going to McKinley

he's still _kind of_ one of the enemies)

when Shelby stops him to "talk."

the words "about the plan" are actually only in his head,

but they're so real to both of them.

She hands him a tape marked _From Mother to Daughter_

and fear floods him immediately.

Because one this tape is delivered,

he will be made to:

come back to Carmel

stop dating Rachel

leave McKinley (and give up spending three classes with Rachel)

leave behind any possibility of having Rachel think of him as _trustworthy_

The writing on the tape

(the tape that contains something that will _ruin_ him)

is curvy and loopy

and far to innocent to behold all of the d e s t r u c t i o n that he knows it'll cause.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"You lied to me."

There it is,

right out in the open.

and it scares him shitless that he has to

_confess_

to a mistake

(what mistake? Jesse St. James does **not** make mistakes)

that he made without knowing it.

He nods, wanting to:

cry

beg for forgiveness

kiss her senseless.

but he can't do any of those things.

Because doing that while she's talking would:

give her more to be upset about

annoy her that he interrupted

cause him to remember **other** mistakes.

&he doesn't want any of _that_.

"I'm so sorry for doing it.

You have to believe me when I say I'm sorry."

He is _really_ sorry.

"I should have seen it coming."

Oh.

That's a low blow.

"Bye, Jesse."

He can't even think of forming a response.

He keeps his cool and heads back to Carmel.

Shelby smiles and nods.

He doesn't know what happened between her and Rachel

because Rachel isn't going to tell him,

and he isn't going to ask Shelby.

but from the look on Shelby's face, he'll assume it all went well.

He damn well hopes so.

Because if he let go of Rachel for something that

d i d n ' t

work out, he just might scream.

When Shelby tells him casually

"I told her that

I didn't really want a daughter,

you know."

He wants to:

scream

shout

call Rachel and beg for forgiveness

murder Shelby

rip his own hair out

- because, see, he didn't know.

(Shelby never told him

&he sure as hell wasn't going

to ask Rachel)

But—the thing is—,

he doesn't do **any** of those.

He nods quietly, picks up his car keys,

and leaves that auditorium for the _last_ time.

Jesse St. James hates:

people who sing off key

people who serenade his girlfriend when he isn't there to beat them up

people who force him into things

someone who ruins a good Broadway song

people who sing karaoke

breaking _Rachel Berry_'s heart

He's had his fair share of experiences with

_e a c h _of those things,

but the last one stingsandburns in ways

that others don't.

Jesse knows his sin.

He can:

please people

love someone

dance&sing like a dream

dream.

However, Jesse cannot:

see mistakes before they happen

say NO

&those just might be his greatest faults.


End file.
